Not-so-friends

I am quite sure why I am choosing this topic but it would be very hard to justify my point. This post is not aimed at any person at particular, I just wanted to vent out my feelings and beware all.

Sometimes when I sit back I wonder what I have done to deserve such adverse attitudes and treatments for people who sometimes had bonded with me as friends. When they enter my life they seem to be so welcoming and so smiley and oh-so-adorable that in no time I bond with them leaving all reservations. But as time passes the oh-so-adorable attitude dies and then I become the nosy somebody in their lives, leaving a gaping wound on my side.

The bosom friends soon turn out to be friends in need, only when they need of course. This is not just a recent occurring incident of my life but this picture has been attached to me since my childhood. Initially, when friend starts being not-so-friendly, then I used to run after them trying my best in befriending them. But, now when I think of those days, I  just think to myself that I was a complete idiot then. But, being a single child and left with no sibling of my own, I used to cling them for support until I learned the hard fact they are the ones that are not my own after-all. The fact was heart breaking but that didn't take me off track in befriending total strangers. It felt like I loved the words friend and friendship so much that I just can't live without it.

Years later now when I am just left with a few handfuls to call as friends, I just try not to get too involved with them. But me-being-me, the way I am, I get emotionally attached to them, and get a good share of bitterness when they ignore me altogether. I don't know exactly how I tend to offend them so much that they just have to break away from me. I always thought myself as a affectionate and true person but I guess I am wrong as the ones that have a run away from me must have seen the dark side of me otherwise they wouldn't have run. Coming to think of the dark side of me, is it so dark that they just can't stand beside me.


Left alone in the past by Brande

Left alone in the past Forgotten friendships buried, never meant to last She walked away from me Why couldn't I foresee? Time standing still Another way to deal, another pill The sky is gray with hate One thing tore us apart, your fate Now what will you do? Who will confide in you? Remember the times we shared? Remember how well we paired? The consequences are tough You only knew how to treat me rough Who is next in line? Will you, too, break their spine? Look at what you've done This time I will stand in front of you, I won't run Don't bother me anymore All you touch, you tore What you wanted, you took Now I glance back, I take one last look You left me alone in your past Forgotten friendships buried, never meant to last

Lesson learnt and facts believed.

Before I used to stress out at the moments when I lost trust of a friend or the friend itself, unintentionally though. But, now (Thank Heavens!!!) I don't have to deal with the emotional trauma and stress, as I don't have any friends to loose. Oh! how happy I am to at last find solace in myself. There is now no one with whom I can discuss my frustrations, no shoulder for me to cry on, no one to share my accomplishments and happiness, no one to play pranks one, no one to call up in the middle of the night without anything to say but talking into the dead of the night, and no mirror to show me some hard facts about life. Oh! how happy I am.

To Solitude by John Keats

O Solitude! if I must with thee dwell, Let it not be among the jumbled heap Of murky buildings; climb with me the steep, -- Nature's observatory -- whence the dell, Its flowery slopes, its river's crystal swell, May seem a span; let me thy vigils keep 'Mongst boughs pavilion'd, where the deer's swift leap Startles the wild bee from the foxglove bell. But though I'll gladly trace these scenes with thee, Yet the sweet converse of an innocent mind, Whose words are images of thoughts refin'd, Is my soul's pleasure; and it sure must be Almost the highest bliss of human-kind, When to thy haunts two kindred spirits flee.