Not mine yet mine

From this day on I live. Died in love from its ashes I rose.

When I knew not what love was, I loved. It was just an urge to see you and talk to you. Didn't know why I needed to just look at you for once. Hated being addressed differently but loved the way you nicknamed me. Never had such a happy feeling to fight with someone but believed you enjoyed the way I did.  Your smiles made my day and your indifference wasted me. The day seemed longer without you and with you seemed shorter. Knew not what love was yet I loved.

The day I was hit the very thought of you being my lifeline I realized you think otherwise. Couldn't say anything. Just watched you fall for a bestie. Realized my ailing has no cure. Cried into my pillow and promised to be a friend and stand by you. And I did stand. Fell hard and it hurt like hell. But I did stand by you. I knew love pains yet I loved.

Then came a day you said bye and I knew not it was forever. You vanished and I had a gaping hole where once was heart. Vengeance overpowered me but all I could think of was self destruction. Looked for love not knowing that I ain't capable of any anymore. Couldn't fill the hole and I shattered more. Into a thousand pieces then I broke. When I couldn't love, I loved.

Years passed but never passed without a thought of you. Your presence in me kept me breathing. Then again we talked and I started living. Each day became a reason to celebrate. But soon I found my dreams were just another mirage. And again I had to be a friend. Stood by you watching and listening. Killing all my dreams I died then. I died but still I loved.

Years passed. Friction increased. Sometimes you ran away, sometimes I shut up. But again when I saw you I felt pity for myself. Got the same lump in the throat. Waited desperately to meet you. And then realization struck that you are still the essence of my life. Tried to hide. Tried to run away. Tried to break all ties. But when you called I went. It was killing me. It killed me. And I died again. I died yet again for I loved.

Daggered my heart. Bled quietly. Couldn't carry the load. You asked and I said all. Relieved I was. Words flowed and emotions drenched. But when you said the words I so wanted to hear I found my essence back. I know you don't feel the way I do. And never can be mine to call. I live again for love.

You are not mine yet I realized you have been mine from the beginning.