Emotions Unleashed

Time in and time out emotions unleash themselves in the worst possible manner. You just can't seem to control them then. It just keeps on flowing taking a toll on everything that comes your way; things you like and person you love. Sometimes the damage done is huge. And then you feel helpless and more mad at yourself for letting your emotions out of control.

This time I screwed up majorly. Things I said and the way I acted can't be undone. Thought of apologizing but then again thought I didn't even have a face to do so.

I knew always better than expressing myself; then why now? May be because the person I so trusted on and cared for hurt me yet again. But shouldn't I be seasoned to all this by now? If not by now then how much is it going to take to season me up? Because I don't think I can handle any more blame game or any more attack on my self respect.

None of this would have happened if like always I would have locked myself in the bathroom and cried my heart out. Then there would have been no questions asked nor there would have been the drama and no emotional vent out. But 'me being me' the foolish woman that I am had to sit on my bed and let my emotions drain out through my eyes and later verbally.

When will I learn? And moreover,  when will I learn to shut up?

Not-so-friends

I am quite sure why I am choosing this topic but it would be very hard to justify my point. This post is not aimed at any person at particular, I just wanted to vent out my feelings and beware all.

Sometimes when I sit back I wonder what I have done to deserve such adverse attitudes and treatments for people who sometimes had bonded with me as friends. When they enter my life they seem to be so welcoming and so smiley and oh-so-adorable that in no time I bond with them leaving all reservations. But as time passes the oh-so-adorable attitude dies and then I become the nosy somebody in their lives, leaving a gaping wound on my side.

The bosom friends soon turn out to be friends in need, only when they need of course. This is not just a recent occurring incident of my life but this picture has been attached to me since my childhood. Initially, when friend starts being not-so-friendly, then I used to run after them trying my best in befriending them. But, now when I think of those days, I  just think to myself that I was a complete idiot then. But, being a single child and left with no sibling of my own, I used to cling them for support until I learned the hard fact they are the ones that are not my own after-all. The fact was heart breaking but that didn't take me off track in befriending total strangers. It felt like I loved the words friend and friendship so much that I just can't live without it.

Years later now when I am just left with a few handfuls to call as friends, I just try not to get too involved with them. But me-being-me, the way I am, I get emotionally attached to them, and get a good share of bitterness when they ignore me altogether. I don't know exactly how I tend to offend them so much that they just have to break away from me. I always thought myself as a affectionate and true person but I guess I am wrong as the ones that have a run away from me must have seen the dark side of me otherwise they wouldn't have run. Coming to think of the dark side of me, is it so dark that they just can't stand beside me.


Left alone in the past by Brande

Left alone in the past Forgotten friendships buried, never meant to last She walked away from me Why couldn't I foresee? Time standing still Another way to deal, another pill The sky is gray with hate One thing tore us apart, your fate Now what will you do? Who will confide in you? Remember the times we shared? Remember how well we paired? The consequences are tough You only knew how to treat me rough Who is next in line? Will you, too, break their spine? Look at what you've done This time I will stand in front of you, I won't run Don't bother me anymore All you touch, you tore What you wanted, you took Now I glance back, I take one last look You left me alone in your past Forgotten friendships buried, never meant to last

Lesson learnt and facts believed.

Before I used to stress out at the moments when I lost trust of a friend or the friend itself, unintentionally though. But, now (Thank Heavens!!!) I don't have to deal with the emotional trauma and stress, as I don't have any friends to loose. Oh! how happy I am to at last find solace in myself. There is now no one with whom I can discuss my frustrations, no shoulder for me to cry on, no one to share my accomplishments and happiness, no one to play pranks one, no one to call up in the middle of the night without anything to say but talking into the dead of the night, and no mirror to show me some hard facts about life. Oh! how happy I am.

To Solitude by John Keats

O Solitude! if I must with thee dwell, Let it not be among the jumbled heap Of murky buildings; climb with me the steep, -- Nature's observatory -- whence the dell, Its flowery slopes, its river's crystal swell, May seem a span; let me thy vigils keep 'Mongst boughs pavilion'd, where the deer's swift leap Startles the wild bee from the foxglove bell. But though I'll gladly trace these scenes with thee, Yet the sweet converse of an innocent mind, Whose words are images of thoughts refin'd, Is my soul's pleasure; and it sure must be Almost the highest bliss of human-kind, When to thy haunts two kindred spirits flee.

एक नया एहसाश

एक नया एहसाश है ये
प्यार से भरा
संजोग से मिला
अन्कही नासा सा है ये

आशाओं की एक लेहेर सी है
उमीदों की एक किरण सी है
ये दौर कुछ ऐसा है
की हर तरफ एक खुसी सी है

ना जाना था इशे कभी
ना समझा था इशे कभी
ये एहसाश नया है
जो हो रहा है मुझे अभी

हर दर्द मैं मज़ा आने लगा है
हर दिन अब नया लगने लगा है
अब कुछ होश नहीं है
ना जाने मुझे क्या होने लगा है

ख्वाबों मैं दिन काटने लगी हूँ
रातों को करवटें बदलने लगी हूँ
नींद खोके भी
सपननो मैं खोने लगी हूँ

जन्नत की एक झलक सी है
रूह मैं जैसे सुकून सी है
ये दौर कुछ ऐसा है
की हर तरफ खुसी सी है

एक नया एहसाश है ये

Emotional Fool Or Full of Emotions

Girls are always commented to be emotional fools but are they?

Before coming to any conclusion we must first try to understand what emotions are? If I try to define the term emotion then my comment box herein will be filled with co

mments like “why are you being so emotional?” and similar comments. But I guess someone sometime have to draw a line between being an emotional fool and full of emotions. So, here

I am to prove my side of the story.

I know girls react very openly to a lot of matters and discussions but that doesn’t mean they are emotional fools. If a guy reacts then it is said that they are giving statements and of freedom of speech. But then why the same explanation not considered for girls? We too have the freedom of speech. Isn’t it so? Or the rule makers were biased male figures of our society? I know none of this is true and our law makers were geniuses who never have differentiated any right between a girl and a guy. But, as girls disposition has always been tender and attitude brittle we can’t just claim them being emotional fool but I would say they are full of emotions.

If this is not enough then can I have the liberty of saying that guys lack emotions as they never ever try to understand a girl’s sentiments and always are on a spree of making fun of them and

their softheartedness. Now, please don’t give me the damn excuse of saying that guys are practical; because I can count ‘n’ number of instances where guys prove of not only being less practical then girls but also have shown more childish attitude than girls. Now what do you have to say?

I know this is a very controversial topic and no guy in this world will agree definitely because of their so-called male-ego; what a joke. Now when we are talking about emotion and male ego, then don’t you think that ego is an emotion? LOL. Guys do have a heightened male-ego that urges them to prove themselves always right, so now I won’t be wrong to dare and call guys as emotional fools. Am I right?

Now I am actually enjoying writing this blog. OMG.

So, guys what do you have to say? Pen in your comments but I know guys will have an upper hand as mostly my blogs are read by my guy friends. But still I enjoyed writing this. ;)

Feeling Lost

Feeling lost. Eyes blurred with tears, tears that flow down unleashing the emotions trapped in the heart. Tears trail down their age old path but even their descent does not cool off the heated emotions of my tumultuous heart. Now, smile seems like a long lost friend who often visits but for limited time and when it leaves, it erases its mark and creates a crater of hopelessness.

From the very beginning of my so-called life (I hate to call it life though, but I don’t have any other word to define it... so life), I have craved for few things that till date I am deprived of i.e., time and understanding of my loved ones. But call it my misfortune or whatever, as time and time again I am left alone b y people I love, to fight my tears and ailing. It’s not that they are never there, rather it’s that they never have enough time to see through me to find that my heart is filled with hurt and that my eyes are watery.

Day in and day out I am left alone with my solitude, solitude that makes me feel like a loser. Now when I look into the mirror I don’t see myself but see someone with sad watery eyes crying out for someone to wipe their tears with affection and understanding. It isn’t that no one has come forward rather the ones that have come forward have been always either snatched away from me by oh-so-called luck (good for them but bad for me) or they just are wise enough to walk out on a cry baby like me or they just don’t have enough time to hear my heart out. In any case, I am left alone to tackle my raging heart and hurt emotions.

Sometimes, when I sit back and think about this, I feel that I am lacking in the skill to make other realize my sentiments. I may be portraying the wrong picture of me being at the best of my moods and making everyone takes me for granted. Is it just my bad luck or am I destined to feel like a destitute.

Poker Face

Life is so self-consuming; at every step you find a new hurdle. The moment you cross a hurdle, there stands another hurdle jeering at you. If you try to find solace in someone close then life will disappoint you with the realization that the person who are standing around you trying to give you comfort with their soothing words are actually sneering at you from inside and waiting for the moment you get entrapped by the hurdle and fall; fall hard on your face; and that will be their victory. Victory of what even they are not aware of but still they do feel victorious. Such is the irony set by life itself and you don’t have anything to do with it but just tolerate the turmoil with a poker face. Poker face to hide your emotions and sentiment of feeling hurt; poker face to prove that world that you give a damn to everything else while you bleed to death from within.

But can a poker face always help you in hiding your true emotions. May be for some people who have mastered the act of presenting a poker face over the years; but for novices it’s a matter of luck. As keeping up a poker face requires a great effort and mental strength to overcome the volcano of feeling rising on the surface of your heart to present the world a damn look of the poker face.

The treacherous motive of the world around us and the betrayal of our wishes by life itself have led to the intervention of poker face in everyone’s life. Poker face is the ultimate weapon against the deceitful senses of others that tend to traumatize our mind and the very existence of us. Most of us have misled by our innocent instincts to be surrounded by perfidious minds that leave an open and unattended wound to haunt us for the rest of our lives. These incidents not only snatch away our innocence but also make us either indifferent to the world bearing a poker face or lose ourselves emotionally trying to be indifferent.

Ironies of life have outstretched themselves to such an extent that has left its mark as well as its trail, and we are left to deal this torture with a poker face. But Why???

Thought Stream

Have you anytime imagined how lucid and fluid our thoughts can be? They seem to flow in every possible direction as they don't bother about any hurdles like the free flowing rivers which don't care about the boundaries or territories in which they flow.

Sometimes I get surprised on my fluctuating thoughts. At one time I am thinking something and suddenly there comes a cascade and the flow of my thought takes a twist and changes its direction and then I am suddenly thinking something totally different which has absolutely no relation with my previous thoughts.

But at some other times some thoughts just tend to cling to the back of my mind and whatever I try to do in order to change their flow they just stick in there and try to dominate all my expertise in free thinking. And believe me all my self-control and self-resistance is a joke then.

Other times... when I really want to reason out things then all of a sudden I realize I am devoid of thoughts and that just my mind is blank. That's when I feel sorry for myself and at the same time I get very confused. And that's not a very good situation.

Some thoughts make me nervous racing my palpitation, some tensed making my brows curl, some tired asking me to just stop, some logical making me feel intelligent for the time, some naughty and mischievous, some are tempting enough to explore, some sinuous making me feel devils' own, some boil up my anger, some make me jump with joy, some are crystal clear like a placid lake, some torments like the violent surf and some just have their own way.

Sometimes I go such a long way with my thoughts that I forget what I was initially thinking and how all my thoughts reached the present note... then what I do must sound a little comical and I know you will have a hearty laugh on it but in that case I usually track down my thought stream and reach my initial point. Oh ho!!! you must be thinking why the hell I think and then why do I have to track it down. But I too don't know why the heck I do it even..but I do it every time my thought stream takes a new twist and turn. I know a few of you who read my blogs will conclude either I am out of my wits or that I have too much free time in my hands to handle. But believe me neither is the case and whatever I have written so far is just one of my thought stream.